About 6 or 7 years ago I suddenly found myself 40 pounds overweight. At 5'2" tall, that was a lot of extra baggage. I say suddenly, but of course you do not gain 40 pounds overnight. It was a gradual thing, that probably started my junior year of college.
I was extremely active in junior high and high school. I did a sport every season, including the summer. I did basketball, softball, volleyball, tennis, indoor track, and outdoor track. Then I went to college and stopped doing all of it. I was not good enough to play at the college level. I could have played in rec leagues or intramural, but I was intimidated.
The week after I graduated college, I moved an hour and a half away from my family and was off on my own. I didn't know how to cook, and I didn't learn. It was stressful living entirely on my own and starting my first "real" job.
So, there were clearly several reasons for my weight gain. It took a while to actually look at myself in the mirror and realize what I had done to myself. I was finally ready to face it. I decided to start by researching nutrition and paying attention to what I was putting into my body. I started walking on a treadmill occasionally, and going for walks outside when the weather was nice. I eventually became bored with walking and started jogging, and going farther distances. I felt great, and the weight came off. That was all it took to get back to a reasonable weight.
Ever since that time, I have had horrible body image issues. I still always saw the girl that was 40 pounds overweight when I could force myself to look in a mirror. It was painful to go clothes shopping, so I just avoided it. A little over two years ago I started dating my current boyfriend. I started eating out a lot, and choosing to spend time with him over exercising. Not surprisingly, the weight has gradually crept back on. Around this time last year I was determined to lose the weight again. I was better about what I ate, and I joined a gym. I even went to the gym regularly. I kept a journal of everything I put in my mouth. I religiously tracked calories, carbohydrates, protein, and fat. I talked with my doctor about it and showed him my exercise routine and what I was eating. He did not have much comment other than to say that it looked like I was doing everything right. After about 6 months of nearly no progress, I pretty much gave up. I was frustrated. If I was doing everything right and I wasn't looking or feeling any better, then why bother? I didn't feel like I was being hasty after trying for 6 months. I felt like I had given it my all, and failed.
A couple of months ago I started on two different medications that both have the side effect of weight gain and I have gained several pounds since I started taking them. This has motivated me to try again.
I know that now I am not giving it my all or doing everything in my control to make myself healthy and lose the extra fat. I eat out too much. The only exercise I get is mowing the lawn and cleaning the house. I feel like I am ready to try again. I want to look and feel healthy.
If someone were to ask my what my image of my body is today I would say the following:
I have a small round head. I am like a short rectangle. Straight through the hips with no waistline. Shoulders that are way too broad. Stomach that looks like a tire. My upper arms are round and jiggly. My thighs are rotund and extremely flabby. Short, stubby little legs. My boobs are gigantic for my height and sag almost down to my belly button. I have an almost non-existent torso. I feel like someone took a much taller and thinner person and pressed down on their head until they were about a foot shorter than they were before. I actually opened up Paint and drew a quick sketch of myself, and pasted below.
BodyImage.bmp
In the past I have felt my best at about 120 pounds. That's 13.5 pounds less than what I weighed myself at this morning. I know it is not a ton of weight to loose. I also know that if I do not get it under control now, I will find myself once again 40 pounds overweight.
I am still at a loss about what exactly it is I need to do. So I will start with writing down everything that I eat, and going on nearly daily walks. I will not go out to lunch with my co-workers more than one day a week. I will cook dinner and eat in Monday-Thursday and Sunday. I am a believer in variety and moderation so I will not cut anything out. I will allow myself occasional treats. I will try to drink more water. Whenever I am being lazy and avoiding doing something, I will acknowledge the laziness and actually do whatever it is I am trying to avoid. I won't put off going downstairs to do that load of laundry that really should be done, or running to the grocery store for those few things that I need. I think I'll start there and see where it takes me.
I know I need to do this for me, and that it has to come from within me. I can't rely on anyone else to motivate me or make me do the right thing or make the right choices. I am sure I will have some support, but the main supporter/motivator needs to be me.
I was extremely active in junior high and high school. I did a sport every season, including the summer. I did basketball, softball, volleyball, tennis, indoor track, and outdoor track. Then I went to college and stopped doing all of it. I was not good enough to play at the college level. I could have played in rec leagues or intramural, but I was intimidated.
The week after I graduated college, I moved an hour and a half away from my family and was off on my own. I didn't know how to cook, and I didn't learn. It was stressful living entirely on my own and starting my first "real" job.
So, there were clearly several reasons for my weight gain. It took a while to actually look at myself in the mirror and realize what I had done to myself. I was finally ready to face it. I decided to start by researching nutrition and paying attention to what I was putting into my body. I started walking on a treadmill occasionally, and going for walks outside when the weather was nice. I eventually became bored with walking and started jogging, and going farther distances. I felt great, and the weight came off. That was all it took to get back to a reasonable weight.
Ever since that time, I have had horrible body image issues. I still always saw the girl that was 40 pounds overweight when I could force myself to look in a mirror. It was painful to go clothes shopping, so I just avoided it. A little over two years ago I started dating my current boyfriend. I started eating out a lot, and choosing to spend time with him over exercising. Not surprisingly, the weight has gradually crept back on. Around this time last year I was determined to lose the weight again. I was better about what I ate, and I joined a gym. I even went to the gym regularly. I kept a journal of everything I put in my mouth. I religiously tracked calories, carbohydrates, protein, and fat. I talked with my doctor about it and showed him my exercise routine and what I was eating. He did not have much comment other than to say that it looked like I was doing everything right. After about 6 months of nearly no progress, I pretty much gave up. I was frustrated. If I was doing everything right and I wasn't looking or feeling any better, then why bother? I didn't feel like I was being hasty after trying for 6 months. I felt like I had given it my all, and failed.
A couple of months ago I started on two different medications that both have the side effect of weight gain and I have gained several pounds since I started taking them. This has motivated me to try again.
I know that now I am not giving it my all or doing everything in my control to make myself healthy and lose the extra fat. I eat out too much. The only exercise I get is mowing the lawn and cleaning the house. I feel like I am ready to try again. I want to look and feel healthy.
If someone were to ask my what my image of my body is today I would say the following:
I have a small round head. I am like a short rectangle. Straight through the hips with no waistline. Shoulders that are way too broad. Stomach that looks like a tire. My upper arms are round and jiggly. My thighs are rotund and extremely flabby. Short, stubby little legs. My boobs are gigantic for my height and sag almost down to my belly button. I have an almost non-existent torso. I feel like someone took a much taller and thinner person and pressed down on their head until they were about a foot shorter than they were before. I actually opened up Paint and drew a quick sketch of myself, and pasted below.
BodyImage.bmp
In the past I have felt my best at about 120 pounds. That's 13.5 pounds less than what I weighed myself at this morning. I know it is not a ton of weight to loose. I also know that if I do not get it under control now, I will find myself once again 40 pounds overweight.
I am still at a loss about what exactly it is I need to do. So I will start with writing down everything that I eat, and going on nearly daily walks. I will not go out to lunch with my co-workers more than one day a week. I will cook dinner and eat in Monday-Thursday and Sunday. I am a believer in variety and moderation so I will not cut anything out. I will allow myself occasional treats. I will try to drink more water. Whenever I am being lazy and avoiding doing something, I will acknowledge the laziness and actually do whatever it is I am trying to avoid. I won't put off going downstairs to do that load of laundry that really should be done, or running to the grocery store for those few things that I need. I think I'll start there and see where it takes me.
I know I need to do this for me, and that it has to come from within me. I can't rely on anyone else to motivate me or make me do the right thing or make the right choices. I am sure I will have some support, but the main supporter/motivator needs to be me.
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