I was given the opportunity to experience something really, really special today.
My friend who is 20 weeks pregnant invited me to go to her ultrasound appointment with her this afternoon. Her mom and husband went also. Her dad was supposed to go but he was sick so he couldn't make it. She invited me to go in his place. I was pretty much in awe watching the tiny baby move around and listening the heartbeat. I could see the abdomen move up and down as the baby breathed. I could see the tiny, tiny bones in the fingers. I could see the baby give mom a massive kick. I could see the baby hiccup. I saw the cutest little munchable feet and toes. One of the coolest things is that my friend also got a dvd with some video clips along with the usual pictures.
The twenty week ultrasound is the one where, if you are lucky and the baby is not modest, you can find out the gender. My friend was lucky and also chose to find out the gender early. She will be having a second little girl.
There were mixed emotions as I was standing there watching and taking it all in. Of course I was very happy and excited for my friend. And, of course I was a little bit sad that I would never be able to experience the same thing myself. As I have gotten older, it's been harder and harder to deal with the fact that I can't have children myself. In the last few years I have seen lots of friends have their first and second children. It's hard to watch. It's hard to see someone else experience this wonderful, amazing thing that I wish I could have, but know I never will. It's almost like I'm being taunted. I've been in a committed relationship with someone for over two years now. I am with someone who I could picture myself actually having children with. Before the last two or three years it was so much easier to put it out of my mind. It seems to be in the forefront much more frequently now.
My friend who is 20 weeks pregnant invited me to go to her ultrasound appointment with her this afternoon. Her mom and husband went also. Her dad was supposed to go but he was sick so he couldn't make it. She invited me to go in his place. I was pretty much in awe watching the tiny baby move around and listening the heartbeat. I could see the abdomen move up and down as the baby breathed. I could see the tiny, tiny bones in the fingers. I could see the baby give mom a massive kick. I could see the baby hiccup. I saw the cutest little munchable feet and toes. One of the coolest things is that my friend also got a dvd with some video clips along with the usual pictures.
The twenty week ultrasound is the one where, if you are lucky and the baby is not modest, you can find out the gender. My friend was lucky and also chose to find out the gender early. She will be having a second little girl.
There were mixed emotions as I was standing there watching and taking it all in. Of course I was very happy and excited for my friend. And, of course I was a little bit sad that I would never be able to experience the same thing myself. As I have gotten older, it's been harder and harder to deal with the fact that I can't have children myself. In the last few years I have seen lots of friends have their first and second children. It's hard to watch. It's hard to see someone else experience this wonderful, amazing thing that I wish I could have, but know I never will. It's almost like I'm being taunted. I've been in a committed relationship with someone for over two years now. I am with someone who I could picture myself actually having children with. Before the last two or three years it was so much easier to put it out of my mind. It seems to be in the forefront much more frequently now.
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