I think being single sucks.
No, I'm not currently single, but I spent a large portion of my twenties single. I was, and still am, shy and introverted, and was also very picky about who I would date. For the most part, unless I saw real potential and felt like the relationship could really go somewhere right from the start, I wouldn't even give it a chance. In retrospect I probably would have put forth more of an effort to be sociable and find a significant other. And I probably would have given more people a chance. I guess even though I was fairly unhappy being single, I didn't do a whole heck of a lot to change it. I didn't want to feel like I was settling for someone. I didn't want to date someone, just for the sake of dating someone.
When I was single I would always complain about how much it sucked. It sucked going to weddings alone. It sucked not having someone to help or give me a ride if I had to take my car in. I always hated asking friends for help. It sucked not having the frequent physical contact of a hug or a kiss from a significant other. It sucked eating dinner alone most weeknights.
And now, I couldn't be happier not being single. I absolutely adore my boyfriend, and I love having him around all the time. I have him to lean on for absolutely anything. He's my partner in all my home improvement and gardening projects, whatever. He introduces me to new things and teaches me to see things from a different perspective. To be honest, if I were still single, I probably would not have bought a house. I would be too overwhelmed by the idea of having to do everything on my own. Of course my family and friends would be there and would help when they could, but it's not the same. At least for me it isn't.
Not wanting to be alone makes me feel weak. I feel bad that, in a way, I am dependent upon someone else for my happiness. Even though I do believe this feeling (of wanting/needing a partner) is part of humor nature, I still kick myself for not being strong enough to overcome it. I admire and look up to those who can overcome it. People like Dawn who, at least from my point of view, has good self-confidence, belief in herself, and is very happy and living a very full life as a strong single woman. No matter how much I tried to ignore what I was feeling, or how many times I told myself I could be perfectly happy without a significant other, deep down, it just wasn't true. Sure I could get along fine on my own -- I had a very good job, some good friends, and a great family -- but I still always felt like something was missing. And I'd never truly be happy without that missing piece.
So what do you think? Does being single suck or is it just me?
I completely agree!! I have been married twice and at 29 (30 in 3 months!!), I really miss having a boyfriend/husband to lean on, to talk to, to come home to at the end of the day, etc. The last three years I have spent overseas and I can say I have gotten much more picky than I was when I was younger but it has caused me a great deal of loneliness. I hope one day I will get to the point you are at with your relationship. I am sure it will occur soon - I am must just keep being patient! My Prince Charming is out there somewhere!!
Hi Angelita! Thank you for commenting. I remember being told over and over when I was younger that I just had to be patient. That I would find someone, it was just taking a little bit longer for me to find him. Most of the time I didn't believe, but obviously it was true :) Soo.. keep living your life, doing the things you love to do, don't settle -- and I am confident that you will find that special someone as well.
Erin,
Thanks for the personal introspective, although I am now married, I vividly remember my single days. Ah the freedom to do what you want, when you want it is there, but it is nothing compared to knowing that there is someone out there with you in mind.
Singlehood sucks for sure. Don't be ashamed for wanting someone else to be your happiness, we are social animals its natural.
Majimo.
That was a very thoughtful comment, Majimo. It also made me think of a related topic... married without kids, vs. married with kids. You have so much more freedom and time for yourself when you don't have children, but they certainly do bring an enormous amount of joy to your life.
I've not been properly single since I just turned 17 (two girlfriends, one 6 months, the other 11.5 years).
The advantage of being single is that you can have fewer worries - you only really have to look out for yourself. Sure, some things are trickier and cause different worries, but ultimately, as long as you're happy, then you can tick along just fine.
I used to sometimes feel like I missed out in some way - spending 4 years at uni whilst in a relationship meant I bypassed the young, free and single part of life. Of course, I wouldn't have changed what happened for the world, but we occasionally look at the things we didn't get, as opposed to the things we did.
Being single in my 20s and early 30s didn't bother me, but now that I've turned 36- it does. I'm used to being alone when it comes to finances and just living, I'm an only child too, so it was never difficult to adjust, but I feel left out. The friends I grew up with are all married with kids-and I want the same. We want the companionship of someone other than friends and family- I can't explain it, but, it's like an empty spot in my life. So, I totally get it.
Gary, you make some good points. Life is full of choices, and it seems no matter which option we choose, we always think about the what-ifs...
Beth, yes you do get it. I would try to explain it to friends or family that never spent much time alone and I never felt they totally understood. It's difficult to truly know what it's like if you haven't experienced it yourself.
Even though I have a significant other and we have been together over 2.5 years now, I still feel left out and left behind in terms of my peers all getting married and popping out their first and second children.
I think that both have their advantages. I am 30 and life is much better than it was when I was 20.
Being single allows you the opportunity to explore and discover who you are and what you want in life. Where do you want to go? And how do you want to be? It's difficult to do that when you have someone in your life as you are concentrating on an "us" rather than a "you." Once you meet someone then you are ready for whatever challenges lay ahead of you because you have set yourself in stone and know yourself. Gradual changes that relationships require are easier to make. I feel not a lot of people appreciate having their alone time - I know that I did not.
Being in a relationship opens a whole new room of experiences and companionship is always better than being alone but I honestly believe you have a better shot at having a more successful relationship if you have had single/alone time. You appreciate your partners more. Being alone was difficult at many times for me but going through that time I think was really, really important not for my future relationships but for myself.
I sound like a self-help manual.
Hey! Being single rocks. I suppose it's the different strokes thing again. Over 30, single and it's all cool
Christina, it sounds like your experience has been very much like that of my own. I loved your point about having a better shot at a successful relationship if you've spent time alone discovering who you are. You learn to be independent and not rely on your partner. You are more confident in yourself. You appreciate your partner, knowing what it is like without them. Of course, that's not to say you can't make a great partner if you haven't spent a lot of time alone.
Thank you for the great comment!
Ami! An opposing view. :) Different strokes for different folks is right. Whatever floats your boat. Our differences are what make life interesting and make the world go round. Glad to hear you are happy... coupled our single.
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment.
You want my brutally honest answer? Being single, like being in a relationship, has its pros & cons. But overall? It only truly sucks when you are unhappy with yourself--and that goes for being single *or* in a relationship. At least that was how it was for me. I wanted a relationship with someone & in turn had a very poor relationship with myself. Until I could truly know myself, I was going to make terrible choices in a partner because I would become a chameleon: morphing into whatever or *who* ever I thought would make them happy, all in an effort to not end up single. Turns out that made *me* unhappy. Ultimately, I learned that what sucked more than being single was being in a bad relationship. Now that I have ovecome my own predisposition of *needing* to be in a relationship, I have the clearest "check list" of what I want in one...and also more confidence & self-respect than I have ever had.
Dawn, I was hoping you would stop by and share your thoughts on this one! Great insight.
I think what happened to you happens to a LOT of people. We settle for someone that ultimately isn't good for us, just to not be single.
I know it sounds cliche, but as soon as I started liking myself more, and building my confidence, I met my boyfriend.
Single sucks? I have control of the remote, can go to bed at 8.30pm if I want and no-one can see me do it. I can sit on my bedroom step with my head sticking out the sliding door to smoke a cigarette while maintaining the facade that smoking is digusting, I can drink too much wine and pretend to not have done so the next day while feigning a sore neck as being the reason behind my paracetamol popping, I wear flannel to bed, even my sheets are flannel, I can eat grilled cheese on toast for dinner, or sometimes a whole tub of hummus and crackers, I have an abundance of disastrous dating tales to entertain my friends and family with, I am now old enough to go to parties alone and have something to say while smug married men try to flirt with me while their smug married wives are not looking, I dont wear thongs, my knickers are usually huge, my pubes can grow down to my knees in winter and no-one has to know, I can sit in a restaurant on my own and run the chance of being chatted up by some exotic Argentinian wine-maker, I dont have to speak when I come home from work...I dont know...have I sold anyone on being 30 something, single and grateful???!!!
Sounds to me like this bitch is just a loser who could not meet guys. I am sick and tired of whiny people who complain about being single. I am 36, I have it all, I have a life. Now, if the women are still single, it's because the woman is FAT, a loser, shallow, no education, selfish and most of all no personality.
So what, I was single in my 20s..back then it was university, playing sports, working PT and doing what I want, when I want. For me, the purpose of females was for them to suck dick and have sex. The women were doing the same, they partied whatever.
Now that the author is in a relationship, she should just roll over and take it in the ass
I agree, being single absolutely sucks. I mean, not only does it suck on the level of the fact that it reiterates the fact that no one wants you (I am in my early 20s and I'm not as choosy) but it sucks because it feels as though there's nothing you can do about it. And for me - there's an added complication - I'm a transsexual woman. Even though I've had my surgery, it's still exceedingly difficult to find a man who will love me and care about me.
I would posit that it would be easier to find a relationship if I had leprosy, but was a cissexual woman, than as a transsexual woman.
Be thankful that you were born cissexual and were given gold card access to a real relationship. Some of us aren't as lucky.
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I think the time to date is the time when you are at twenty. ofter that you will lose your interest.being single at thirties is not a good sign.