Recently in Relationships Category

A Text Message That Made Me Cry

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When I am feeling down in the dumps my boyfriend knows just what to say:


And I want you to realize that you are still the most beautiful thing in the world to me.  A couple pounds cannot change that.  It will never effect how I feel.


And then I melted into a big pile of mush.

He used "effect" instead of "affect", but I think I can forgive him.

For you, I'd do anything

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I was recently part of what I thought was quite an interesting debate/conversation.  The conversation started talking about the premarital counseling that is required to get married in the catholic church.  We were discussing one question in particular. 

Would you be willing to do whatever it took in order to make your partner happy?

My immediate answer was a definite no. I take things very literally.  In general, I don't like absolutes like that.  I think a marriage (and relationship in general) is all about compromise. I don't think one person should give up everything for the other. I think that sacrifices have to be made by both parties in order to make both people happy. However, I would not give up my hopes and dreams or anything else extremely important to me for another person. I would not change myself in fundamental ways for another person. I would not be happy that way.  There will be things that either both people have to completely agree upon, or be willing to compromise on. If there is something really important to me that I can't have because of something else that is really important to my partner, then it probably won't work.

One of the guys involved in the conversation brought up a related situation that had recently happened to him. First, a little background information is required:

  • He goes to the gym 6 days a week and has been doing so for many, many years. This is something that is really important to him.
  • He has a regular bedtime of around 10p so that he can get up extremely early and do his workout before going to a long day of work.
  • He is very dedicated to his job and works many long hours.

So back to the story... he had been dating a girl for about a month. She knew the 3 facts I just stated above. She called him one night around 10:30 asking him to come over, even though they had a conversation earlier that evening and they decided not to do anything that night. His response was that he couldn't (wouldn't) come over because he was tired, it was time for bed, and he had to get up early for the gym. If he didn't go he'd be all off for the entire week. She got upset by this and said, "going to the gym is more important than seeing me?"

My personal opinion was that this was rather inconsiderate of the girl knowing his schedule and rigid routine. I thought it was too early in the relationship to start asking him to change and make such compromises for her. I agree that I probably would be upset to get that response from him, but I don't think I would have made the phone call and asked the question in the first place.

What's your opinion?  Should she have made the phone call?  Did she have a right to get upset that he wasn't willing to stay up late and skip the gym for her?  Should he have skipped the gym this once to make her happy?  What are some things you might not be willing to compromise on?

Time Apart

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My boyfriend has been away all of this past week.  He left in the very early hours of Sunday morning to go to California for a business trip.  This is the second time we've been apart for more than a day or two.  The first time was when I went to Florida for a week and it was only about 2 months into our relationship, I think.  I have missed him terribly.  I long to see him after this time apart, and I think that is healthy.  It is similar  to only being able to really appreciate how wonderful a beautiful sunny day is once you've experienced the alternative, a gloomy cloudy day.

He is coming home tomorrow night so tonight I have been busy trying to make the yard look nice and the inside of the house sparkle.  I stopped at the garden store to get some more flowers for landscaping, and the grocery store to stock up on some food, and to get a couple of things for a rhubarb crisp that I am going to attempt to make for him tomorrow morning.  A friend of ours made it last year and he loved it so I thought it would be a nice gesture.  And, there is a ton of ripe rhubarb out in the backyard that needs to be used.  It is a different [easier] recipe than the one our friend used last year and I have never made it before so it could be a huge flop.  I figure there is no harm in trying though.

I do actually think it is good to have a little time apart.  I think sometimes we take our significant other always being there for granted.  Being away helps us appreciate them a little more.  Also, it gives you a little reminder that you can in fact survive without your significant other and you are your own independent and confident individual.  Once you are deep into a relationship and spend so much time together you may begin to forget you still exists as your own person, not just as part of a couple.

So what do you think, does distance make the heart grow fonder?  Is time apart healthy for your relationship?  What do you do when you are a sans your significant other?

Being Single Sucks

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I think being single sucks. 

No, I'm not currently single, but I spent a large portion of my twenties single.  I was, and still am, shy and introverted, and was also very picky about who I would date.  For the most part, unless I saw real potential and felt like the relationship could really go somewhere right from the start, I wouldn't even give it a chance.  In retrospect I probably would have put forth more of an effort to be sociable and find a significant other.  And I probably would have given more people a chance.  I guess even though I was fairly unhappy being single, I didn't do a whole heck of a lot to change it.  I didn't want to feel like I was settling for someone.  I didn't want to date someone, just for the sake of dating someone.

When I was single I would always complain about how much it sucked.  It sucked going to weddings alone.  It sucked not having someone to help or give me a ride if I had to take my car in.  I always hated asking friends for help. It sucked not having the frequent physical contact of a hug or a kiss from a significant other.  It sucked eating dinner alone most weeknights.

And now, I couldn't be happier not being single.  I absolutely adore my boyfriend, and I love having him around all the time. I have him to lean on for absolutely anything. He's my partner in all my home improvement and gardening projects, whatever. He introduces me to new things and teaches me to see things from a different perspective.  To be honest, if I were still single, I probably would not have bought a house. I would be too overwhelmed by the idea of having to do everything on my own. Of course my family and friends would be there and would help when they could, but it's not the same. At least for me it isn't.

Not wanting to be alone makes me feel weak. I feel bad that, in a way, I am dependent upon someone else for my happiness. Even though I do believe this feeling (of wanting/needing a partner) is part of humor nature, I still kick myself for not being strong enough to overcome it. I admire and look up to those who can overcome it. People like Dawn who, at least from my point of view, has good self-confidence, belief in herself, and is very happy and living a very full life as a strong single woman. No matter how much I tried to ignore what I was feeling, or how many times I told myself I could be perfectly happy without a significant other, deep down, it just wasn't true.  Sure I could get along fine on my own -- I had a very good job, some good friends, and a great family -- but I still always felt like something was missing.  And I'd never truly be happy without that missing piece.

So what do you think? Does being single suck or is it just me?

Significant Others

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Everyone has certain qualities that they look for when choosing a significant other. Below are some of the ones that are important to me, and why.


Sense of humor

It is really important to me that life not be too serious. Life should be enjoyed. It should include lots of smiles and laughter. The Boy and I went out the other night with a bunch of employees that work for a company that is a customer of the company we both work for. I was laughing so hard at one point during the night that my eyes got all watery. My significant other is a very funny guy. When you get him going he will have everyone in stitches. One of the employees from the visiting company was also particularly funny. Between the two of them we were all laughing for hours. A good laugh with friends just makes everything better. I like to smile and laugh, so having someone around that can bring that out of me frequently is a very good thing.


I really dislike dishonest people. I want to know that I can fully trust the person I am with. I need to be able to trust that my partner will not keep important things a secret from me, that they are genuine in their actions, that they won't cheat on me, etc.

Ability to communicate

I believe one of the keys to a great relationship is communication. You need to be able to communicate your needs and desires to each other. Otherwise, how can you expect those things to be met? Unfortunately human beings have not yet evolved to the point where they are capable of reading minds. Until then, we need to communicate with each other.

Patience & Understanding

I can be difficult to deal with sometimes (as hard as that may be to believe!). I, like everyone else, have my little quirks and bad habits and personal issues. Relationships tend to go much more smoothly when you have patients with each other regarding these things. Understanding where the other person is coming from goes a long way when trying to work something out. Life isn't fair, and life isn't perfect. Things will not always go the way you want them to. Patience is key in getting through these times.


This is not a terribly crucial quality for me, but it is nice to be able to have an intelligent conversation with my significant other. I myself have a thirst for knowledge and it's a great bonus to be with someone that shares that with me and that I can learn from.


This is another one that would not be at the very top of the list, but still important nonetheless. I want someone who is driven. Someone who sets goals for themselves, is driven in their career, and always striving to do better. Of course, taken to the extreme, this quality can be very, very bad. I do believe there is such a thing as overly-ambitious.


I don't like mean people. I think this stems from the fact that I have been on the receiving end too many times, and know first-hand how it feels. I don't ever want to make another person feel that way. It is important to me that my significant other is a kind and warm and caring person. When I look into my boyfriends eyes, this is the first thing that I see. Those big brown eyes show everything. He has so much compassion and sympathy for others, it's amazing.


So which of these qualities do I actually possess myself? I guess I'd have to go with honesty, patience, and kindness. I can't tell a lie to save my life, I have almost infinite patience when it comes to most things (although as I get older I notice this to be less and less true), and I have been told I am "too nice" countless time. I have a very difficult time saying no to someone or saying anything negative about someone for fear of hurting their feelings.

Which qualities do you look for in a significant other? Is one more important than the rest? Which of the important qualities do you feel you possess?

About This Blog

Stories, advice, and random thoughts from a thirty-something female.

Many people in their thirties are dealing with common issues and concerns. Some of these include buying a home, establishing a career, starting a family, and dealing with aging parents. I will blog about all these things as well as other every day stuff as I make my way through this third decade of life.

You can read more about the author behind thirty-something blog on the About Me page.





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